The Insanity of Forks and Beyond
by VampireQueenSeleneArtemesia
Summary: The good people and Other...beings will now answer any questions...and I mean ANY
1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing but the advice & comments!!!

I've decided to allow anyone to ask basically any questions to the following Characters:

Edward

Alice

Rosalie

Emmett

Jasper

Carlisle

Esme

Bella

Charlie

Jacob

Sam

Emily

Leah

Seth

QUIL!!!

Embry

Renee

Phil

Mike

Angela

Ben

Tyler

Aro

Marcus

Caius

Demetri

Jane

Alec

and pretty much ANY other Twilight SERIES characters you can think of!!!

TRY to keep it appropriate, because if it isn't, I WILL EDIT!!!!

Get it? Got it? Good...

now my dears, Review or send a PM!!!

Selene


	2. Newness

First Question:

_Hey there Carlisle,  
Why haven't you ever considered modeling? I mean, It'll bring way more money than just doctoring, Ya know?  
Cinders _

**A:Well Cinders, I love to help people in a more hands on way, although, I did have a modeling stint back in the 60's.**

**Thanks for the question!!!**

**Carlisle**

_Quil-_ i actually have two questions: one: why is your fur a chocolate brown? two: why does your name have exclamation marks following it? kel

**Great questions kel,**

**i am chocolate brown because that is the color my ancestors had as their shade of fur, and also, the question marks are because I dare someone to ask me about Clare**

_Dear Rosalie,_ _why do you hate bella so much? And do you think that you will come to like_ _her ever?_ _Pixiefun01_

**Pixie,**

**I don't hate Bella, I just think she is incredibly stupid, because she is so ready to give up her human life, even though she barely understands what that means. All of the human experiences that she has the opportunity to have we would all kill for, and she doesn't understand. Also, edward wanted Her... not me. Not that I like him in any way other than a brother, Its just that I'm soooo much prettier than her**

**Rosalie **

_From: Randomly perverted __-------------------_ _My questions are for Edward..._ _Do you have a hard time being aroud Bella when It's THAT time of the month?_ _Have you ever done inappopriate things with her used Kotex?_ _Why are you such a prude?_ **A)Yes, i get super raunchy and hungry** **B)...ummmmmm moo?(yes, yes I have)** **C)my testicles never dropped(they actually did, I just didn't don't know how to answer...moo cow fuck milk...)** **love Eddypoo **


	3. Milk

_my Question is for Charlie..._ _HOW THE HELL DID YOU NOT KNOW THAT THERE WAS A VAMPIRE SLEEPING IN YOUR_ _DAUGHTERS ROOM?!_

**Due to this rather uncalled for question, Charlie is now in the hospital, in a coma from the heart attack he endured after reading this last statement...thats Ironic, Death's Little Princess put him on her door**


	4. Funny Farm

_ok question for edward, can you tell us some of the funneier thoughts you've_ _heard out of each of your family members heads and other people for that_ _matter, that would be great thanks_

**Sure**

**Alice:Their coming to take me away haha hehe hoho, to the funnyfarm...**

**Rosalie:I had the worst nightmare last night,... I dreamt I was an ugly human...ugh**

**Esme:Not another hole in my wall!I'm gonna kill emmett this time...**

**Jasper:oh no, not another girl with her PERIOD!!!!!NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**

**Emmett:Hey, I can do _IT _all night long!(Imagines sock puppet show) Its not like I have to sleep or anything...**

_WOW. ok. so here's my Q: marcus, have you ever thought of getting back into_ _the dating world?_

**I have now...**

_I have a question! (God, I feel like a kid in a sex ed class!)_ _For Edward: How do vampires get erections when they have no blood??_ **Good one, but don't feel bad, it's a normal question. Our venom replaces every bodily fluid we once had, so instead of blood rushing to our penises, venom does. I hope that answered your question!** **Edward**


	5. Hewokeup

_**Ok for all you who were worried, Charlie has woken up...oh shit, he just grabbed his Shotgun!!!!!!**_

_Charlie: EDWARD!!!!!!!!!!!!DIE!!!!!!!!!_

**Fangirls: NEVER!!!!!GET CHARLIE!!!!!!**

**Bella:um...gulp**

_Alice why do you HAVE to shop so much?_

_Tauney _

I...don't know!(sob)

Jasper!!Grab the Credit Cards, time for my hourly therapy session!

Alice

_Quil, ...Clare_

_DLP_

Oh my god...where! Where? I don't see her!Clare...Sweetheart? Where are you?


	6. Kicking list

_Alice when did you know you and Bella would be bestest friends? Is their_ _anybody in your family you want to randomly kick sometimes?_ _-cryisme!_

As soon as I met her of course, Edward was just being WAY overprotective.

As for your other question, OF COURSE!!!!!!!!

Here's my list in kicking order:

Edward(because he's a prude)

Rosalie(because she's bitchy and vain sometimes)

Emmett(...just cause I said so)

_Emmett, why are you SO huge?_

_Talia_

Duh, steiroids!... actually, I used to bodybuild before I was Changed, and by the way, being a vampire is frieking kickass!

Emmett


	7. Authors note

Author's note: I have just received a very rude flame, and just to clear the air...I would like to make something VERY clear. I write these fan fictions for my own personal enjoyment as well as for the enjoyment of these who appreciate the lighter, more humorous side of the twilight characters. As an avid Stephanie Meyer fan, I am very much aware that my version of the characters is portrayed as ooc. (and if you don't know that abbreviation, you don't deserve to be on this site) I do not appreciate being belittled for a purposeful act of writing. I intend to write as many fan fictions as I please, In any manner I damn well please. If you don't like it, go read something else. Your negative opinion is neither wanted, called for , nor appreciated. And if I ever receive such a blatant disregard for my own creative license over my works, which is by right, given to every author who has ever put pen to paper, you will hear no end of my anger, as will Death's Little princess who you REALLY don't want to piss off...

I will not tolerate, know-it-all flamers, who's sole purpose is to make themselves feel better, and who are too cowedly to take responsibility for their own words by at least putting down a pen name, to which they can be held accountable.

So to Lauren, Get a freaking back bone, shut the hell up, and never contact me again.

And anyone who has had this problem on this website, feel free to copy &paste(just edit)...

AND ifI have no literary skill or talent, how was I able to write this ENTIRE note in a perfect Grammatical fasion with an extensive vocabulary, so kiss my PISSED OFF, ANGRY IRISH ASS!!!!!

Love,

Selene


	8. EunichySnip Snip

_I have several questions..._

_1. Rosalie, Are you a blonde...everywhere?_

_2. How many members of the Cullen family have had "Fun" on Edwards piano?_

_3.Does Esme have wicked bad OCD or what?_

_4.Jake...Do you have plans for this friday night?_

_wink, wink__DeathsLittlePrincess_

1.YES tee hee heee ;)

2.all of them

3.Again, yes

4.I'm with Shane Sorry DLP, I'm taken. And besides, don't you have a wife(cough cough..the authoress...cough cough)

_DLP are you CHEATING ON ME W? A FICTIONAL CHARECTER??? (reaches for flame thrower) Don't run!!!DON'T MAKE ME SEND THE LEGIONS AFTER YOU!!!!_

Dear Eddy-poo,

Have you ever been signed up for a kissing booth? Has Bella? Why doesn't Bella have wings? Or does she? Hm? HM!?

soraloveskairi159

_I rally can't answer any of these questions due to federal investigations...so.(giggle giggle)..BITE ME!!!_

_P.S and STOP CALLING ME EDDY- POO!!!!_

_Edward_

Jessica, Is there another Cullen you like or just Edward? If there is how did they turn you down (including Edward)? - cryisme!

_Yes, I think Rosalie is schmexie!!!and only Edward turned me down...over the phone, overly politely_

_Jessica_

My next one is for Emmett,

Emmett did you ever think Edward was gay (I mean he passed up Rosalie)? Do you still think that?

-cryisme

_I just think that he is a eunichy snip snip...now I just think he's a prude_

_Emmett_


End file.
